Lest you worry, being polite towards children does not mean giving up authority. and make sure you’re being polite to other people when your child is around. don’t ask him to go get you something the moment he sits down.wait until he’s done with his game before you tell him to clean up.use a kind voice when you ask him to pass the salt.Remember, too, that children need models for positive behaviors. If a demanding tone of voice doesn’t work on you, I promise, your child will try something different. Children use the behavior that’s effective. You might say, “Could you ask me a different way?”-or you might simply smile and raise your eyebrows, waiting for him to remember. When your child demands that you open his yogurt (with or without the “magic word”) all you have to do is not open the yogurt. All you have to do is make sure that polite communication is more effective than impolite communication. You can use the same principle to guide your child to speak politely. The same principle helps your child graduate from gestures to words-words are simply more effective. But over time he learns to make intentional gestures like holding the food out to you, because when he does this, you understand what he means, so he gets his food more quickly. For instance, when your infant needs help with food he might wave his hands and make noises. Children learn to use whatever behavior is effective to get their needs met. Luckily, guiding a child to speak kindly isn’t that hard. We can’t expect children to behave like adults-nor would we want them to! But childhood is the best time to learn the appropriate way to treat others. Shouting a syllable when prompted? Not actually very polite. When it’s required, someone will remind him, “Say the magic word.”īut is adding the word "please" to a request actually politeness? Politeness is being conscious of other people and using your voice and actions to convey respect for them it’s using your socialized brain to regulate your desires. It’s even better than that, because he doesn’t even have to remember when to say it. He’s used the magic word! And the magic word, in his experience, is really magic: when he says it, people magically do what he wants them to do. Often in my preschool, while sitting around the lunch table, a child will say, “Open my yogurt.” If I don’t respond immediately he’ll repeat: “Open my yogurt!” I’ll turn and say, “Could you ask me a different way?” And he’ll say, “Please!” with a look of victory on his face.
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